


Spidey-Call

by cryptidsarereal



Series: Locked Out Of Your Bathroom Door [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Boyfriends, Cotton Candy Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-09
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-11-30 00:26:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11452191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cryptidsarereal/pseuds/cryptidsarereal
Summary: “Hi.”Keith wasn’t in the mood to play good boyfriend. “Explain.”“See, I was innocently soaking in the bath, like so,” he ran water in his hands to punctuate his words, “then, out of the blue, this itsy-bitsy spider went out the water spout.”Keith groaned, banging his head on the door. All the pent up energy releasing as a big face palm to himself. Turns out Lance wasn’t just incapable of killing a spider, he would go to fucking lengths to avoid it.“Well, no. It didn’t come out the water spout, it came in through the space beneath the door and stayed somewhere over there and so I’m stuck. I figured it wouldn’t be able to get to me in the water. And It wasn’t itsi-bitsy at all. It was huge,” Lance raised a fist, “this huge.”Keith raised a fist too. “And I’m also ‘this huge’-ly annoyed with you right now. And it’s one wrong word away to meeting your face.”“Keith.”“You woke me up for a spider call.”“Keith, I’m pruning.”





	Spidey-Call

* * *

 

 

~¡Oh!

Tú, tú eres el imán y yo soy el metal~

 

Keith’s eyes opened with a jolt and a sharp intake of breath, and instantly regretted it. There was light and music blasting on his face and he squeezed his eyes shut. The unfamiliar sound grabbed a firm hold on the part of his brain that was still in his dream (he got lost when the bunny came holding out an ice cream and a knife; don’t look at Keith, ask his subconscious) and yanked him out into the waking world.

 

~Me voy acercando y voy armando el plan  
Sólo con pensarlo se acelera el pulso ( _oh, yeah!_ )~

 

Keith fought against the melodic cruelty. His now semiconscious mind supplied an image of him hiding behind the bunny while his furry friend pointed the gun at the offending light. Just nope.

 

~Ya, ya me está gustando más de lo normal

Todos mis sentidos van pidiendo más

Esto hay que tomarlo sin ningún apuro~

 

He groaned inwardly. Outwardly, he was pretty sure he resembled the noises from the walking dead. Actually, there’s a good idea. He stayed still and played dead. Maybe the music would go away.

 

~Despacito

Quiero respirar tu cuello despacito~

 

Whoever made this happen is pure evil. He liked that song. He liked it whenever Lance sings it. Now he’s going to hate it. It’s waking him up.

 

~Deja que te diga cosas al oído

Para que te acuerdes si no estás conmigo

Despacito~

 

He can do it. He’ll keep cover under his pillow and sheets, it’ll all go away. That’s the chorus now. How long was this song?

 

~Quiero desnudarte a besos despacito  
Firmo en las paredes de—

 

The music cut off and Keith rejoiced. Well, rejoiced as little as he could with his limited energy. His brain pulled him right back to his bunny dream like ‘anyways, never mind that, let’s continue…’.

 

For a few seconds there was peace in this world and everything was right, then the song came back full force and started from the beginning.

 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” Keith grabbed his phone from his side desk and squinted murderously at his screen. Who decided it that screen light ranged from zero to ‘fucking stab you in the eyes at 3 AM’?

 

It was from Lance, of course.

 

Keith is an untamed creature before 8 AM. Keith is an untamed creature, that’s it. People looks at him once and they keep ten feet distance for safety. You do not wake an untamed creature. Creature bites when they get woken up. Consider it great fortune to come out unharmed.

 

 

He accepted the call, of course.

 

His voice was muffled under the pillow, but he felt justified to leave it for Lance to deal with. “You changed my ringtone,” he accused.

 

Because, you know, it was the safest thing to say between ‘I hate you’ and ‘I love you’.

 

No answer came from the other end. Keith tried again, “Was that my cue for ‘I’m sorry, I fell asleep on you?’”

 

Silence.

 

“Please don’t tell me you’re actually sleeping and your thumb fell on the call button.”

 

Keith barely heard the shaky breath.

 

“Keith.”

 

If he wasn’t awake before, he was definitely awake now. Just the tone doused him in a full body chill. It was weak and wavering, but it commanded his full attention. Stuff of his nightmares. Raised him right out of his comfy sheets, poised for action.

 

“Lance?”

 

“Keith, help me.”

 

He struggled to keep the instant panic in control, scenarios playing out in his head. Burglar. Murderer. Help me, help me, help me…

 

“I will, honey, you know I will. Tell me what’s happening.” He didn’t know how he did it, but somehow he pulled on the same tone Shiro uses on his patients. ‘Bedside manners’, Shiro had always nagged him for that. He immediately slapped those words away. Not yet. No need for that yet.

 

“I don’t- I don’t know what to do. You gotta help me get out of here.”

 

‘Get out of where?’ Keith’s mind screamed. He enunciated his next words carefully, “I need to help you get out of where?”

 

“I’m in the apartment. There’s no one else. Hunk’s staying out the whole night. With Shay. He’s- He won’t be back”-, Lance frantic words cut off as he gulped some air. “He won’t be back until noon. I don’t know what to-, I’m all alone. I can’t- Keith, please. Just get here, please.”

 

Keith was already zipping up his jacket and snatching his keys from his drawer while Lance rambled on the phone. Most of his awareness trained on his boyfriend and the rest working in auto-pilot. It was as if he trained for this his whole life. He was out the door and walking to his bike before Lance finished.

 

“Lance, do I need to call the police? Or an ambulance?” It was strange how calm you can force yourself to be when a person you love is in trouble.

 

“No, don’t!” and then, to Keith’s confusion, repeated it louder, “No, no, no, don’t! Stop!”

 

Keith realised he wasn’t speaking to him anymore. He walked faster, almost sprinting. Throwing his leg over his motorcycle, he briefly how he’s gonna keep the line on without killing himself before he even got to Lance.

 

He was spared the decision when Lance voice came right back. Sharp and quick. “I gotta hang up”—

 

“No, no, no, don’t!” Keith practically screamed into his phone, but the call was already ended.

 

 

His screen popped back to their chat box, which was flooded with messages from Lance from the point Keith fell asleep.

 

The last one read: 'don't leave me...'

 

“Shit.”

 

 

He rode through the red lights, and thanked whatever gods were making it possible that he hadn’t gotten pulled over. Maybe it’s a sign, it’s all gonna work out fine. Everything’s gonna be okay.

 

He arrived at Lance’s apartment in five minutes and impatiently punched the buttons on the elevator. He was in and out before it could even sound a ‘ding’. Racing through the halls, he wondered how everything could be so calm and quiet when his boyfriend is desperately in need of help in his own apartment.

 

The sound of guitar chords suddenly sprang out of nowhere, and Keith spared a second to think he’d finally lost it if he was hearing epic background music before he realised it was an incoming call from Lance. He fished his phone and Lance’s spare keys out of his pocket.

 

Keith’s words were rushed, “I’m here, love, I’m here, where are you?”

 

“I’m hiding in the bathtub.”

 

Which was odd, but Keith’s brain instantly supplied an explanation. It was a valid hiding spot. At least he’s found a safe place to hide, that’s good, that’s good. It should be good.

 

He unlocked the door of the apartment and rushed inside. On hindsight, it might not have been the smartest move to make when there’s possible threat inside the house. He has the presence of mind, at least, to leave the door a crack open.

 

There was nothing unusual in the apartment, no tables upturned, appliances and electronics where it should be. No burglar then.

 

“Hurry!” Lance said, and Keith did.

 

Three seconds later, his hand was on the bathroom doorknob and he hesitated, unprepared for what he was about to see. A body? Hopefully not. Blood? He could handle that. Oh God, it didn’t even occur to him that Lance might not have been the victim in this situation. Was he about to help cover his boyfriend for a crime? No, that can’t be. Lance wouldn’t kill a spider.

 

He steeled himself and opened the door.

 

It was entirely _not_ what he expected.

 

“Uhm. What.”

 

Lance looked up to him from the tub and beamed. “You’re here!”

 

There was no blood, nor body. No dead body, to be exact.

 

Well, none _yet_.

 

“What. The fuck. Is this?”

 

Lance smiled shyly from the middle, _right at the middle_ , of the tub. Milky water sloshed around him. Crimson, their ginger tabby cat sat prickly on his knees, demonstrating exactly how Keith was feeling inside. It never even came to him that the cat even existed and failed to greet him by the door as usual. Panic does that. Getting tricked by vague contextual phone calls does that.

 

“Hi.”

 

Keith wasn’t in the mood to play good boyfriend. “Explain.”

 

“See, I was innocently soaking in the bath, like so,” he ran water in his hands to punctuate his words, “then, out of the blue, this itsy-bitsy spider went out the water spout.”

 

Keith groaned, banging his head on the door. All the pent up energy releasing as a big face palm to himself. Turns out Lance wasn’t just incapable of killing a spider, _he would go to fucking lengths to avoid it._

 

“Well, not really. It didn’t come out the water spout, it came in through the space beneath the door and stayed somewhere over there and so I’m stuck. I figured it wouldn’t be able to get to me in the water. And It wasn’t itsi-bitsy at all. It was huge,” Lance raised a fist, “this huge.”

 

Keith raised a fist too. “And I’m also ‘ _this huge_ ’-ly annoyed with you right now. And it’s one wrong word away to meeting your face.”

 

“Keith.”

 

“You woke me up for a spider call.”

 

“Keith, I’m pruning.”

 

“And I should leave you there to wrinkle until you learned not to call your boyfriend at an ungodly hour to get the bad spidey out.”

 

Lance let out a scandalised gasp, “You would _not_ leave me here to wrinkle.”

 

“Watch me.”

 

“Keith! The spider is still in here, it scares me a lot, and I’m fucking cramped, please just help me out here,” Lance whined. And then screeched, an unholy sound. “There! There it is! Get it out! Get it out!”

 

Keith turned around to where Lance pointed, and surely enough, there was a huge fist-sized spider staring back at him with it’s beady eyes on the floor. Unluckily for the spider, it chose to freak out the untamed creature’s boyfriend. And is now successfully trapped in the glass Lance used for gargling. Yeah, he’s not gonna use that anymore.

 

Long silence fell between the two of them. Four, if you count the cat and the spider. What an odd bunch.

 

“What are you gonna do with it?” Lance asked hesitantly.

 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Lance, just get out and I’ll deal with it.”

 

Lance shook his head vehemently. “Nope, nuh-uh. Not with that thing on my way.”

 

The spider stared back defiantly. His last hoorah.

 

Keith threw his head back in frustration. How did he fall in love with this man? His insides threw accusing glares in the general direction of his heart.

 

He grabbed some tissue and carefully slid it under the brim of the glass, and carefully turned it topside up. His shoes padded across the room to the windows. He opened it none to gently with one hand and slammed the glass on the ledge.

 

Keith’s eyes met the spider’s in an intense stare down.

 

_This is all your fault._

 

_You made this happen._

 

He didn’t even blink when he pushed it off the ledge and watched it cooly as it shattered on the pavement below. Didn’t think twice that there maybe a bystander below. At this point, he was cold and uncaring for the innocent.

 

He went back to the bathroom and saw Lance, still in the tub full of water and smiling wanly. Crimson the tabby cat greeted him a soldier’s welcome by full body nuzzle.

 

This was stupid. His heart was stupid.

 

“Is it gone?”

 

He grabbed the towel from the rack and spread it wide open to Lance. He grunted in response.

 

“Thank you,” Lance said all too sweetly. He wanted to clock him in the nose. He also wanted to kiss him for being such an idiot.

 

“Baby,” he started slowly with a smile that was far from amused. “I just threw a creature off the window in cold blood. I’m not above doing the same to you for waking me up.”

 

“You wuvvvvv me.” Lance really didn’t have a sense of self preservation. His face scrunched up in an exaggerated pout.

 

Keith also didn’t have a sense of self preservation. Moth to a flame. He averted his eyes to look a little less weak. It didn’t help that a very naked dick was right on his face.

 

He wound his arms around Lance, who obediently spread his arms out, and wrapped the towel around him. Then threw him over his shoulder like a sack of cotton candy. Get it? Cause it’s soft and sweet, pretty to look at, and melts in your mouth. Lance landed with an ‘oof’.

 

“There goes my hero, watch him as he goes~” Lance sing-sang whilst carding his fingers through Keith’s already ruffled hair. “Brave Keith, Strong Keith, Pretty Keith, Handsome Keith, Lovely Keith.”

 

Crimson followed them to the bed where Keith settled Lance on, still fully naked and damp under the towel. She sat right next to Lance’s head where she started licking herself clean, his owner reached out with one hand to the already gravely irate tabby.

 

As Keith walked back into the bathroom to pull out the plug in the tub, he heard Lance murmuring softly to Crimson, “He takes good care of us, doesn’t he? Such a good boyfriend.”

 

The entire system fucking stopped and locked down.

 

Red lights blared.

 

Illegal.

 

Danger, danger, danger.

 

Not allowed.

 

No warning, whatsoever.

 

His heart couldn’t take it anymore. It jumpstarted his brain and worked overtime. He was going to be with this boy forever. He was also going to have to stay under the same roof if it meant less (or more, he doesn’t know at this point) inconveniences for ‘spidey’ calls.

 

He grabbed the blower and hair brush with unbridled energy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

They finally settled down in Lance’s bed, twenty minutes later, with the spider incident well behind them. Keith hummed as supple fingers stroked his hair. It felt good. The sheets were new and smelled like lavender. Lance also smelled good.

 

“I better wake up to the smell of food and affection, Lance.”

 

“You bet you will. Do you want that to come with a boyfriend in oversized shirt and nothing else? Dancing over the sound of cheesy love songs?”

 

Keith considered it for a moment. “Just not ‘Despacito’.”

 

“Why? You loved that song, I set it as your ringtone.”

 

“Yeah," he turned around and brushed his lips in the general direction of Lance's face, "and it also woke me up in the middle of REM.”

 

“You big baby.”

 

“Dick. You were scared shitless of a spider.”

 

“A hairy, fist-sized spider that could very likely do harmful things. Like biting things.”

 

Keith moaned mournfully. “I’m gonna hate hearing that song for a long while.”

 

“Don’t worry, I’ll reclaim that song for you.”

 

He was starting to drift off to sleep, too comfy for a comeback. Just when the last of his waking consciousness wore off, he couldn’t help catching another win.

 

“Lance?”

 

A chuckle sounded right beside his ear “Back to first names now, are we? Where did ‘honey’ and ‘love’ go? I’m already missing them.”

 

Keith wasn’t listening.

 

“I lied. I actually didn’t throw the spider through the window, I set it free somewhere here inside your room.”

 

Then drifted off to a deep sleep.


End file.
